The Lady, Her Pain and Her Buggage
A few years ago, a group of us were invited to a training programme in Cape Town. I was having a wonderful time until I overheard two (female) colleagues gossiping about me. I was horrified as I listened to what they apparently really thought about me while pretending to be my friends. They mentioned how annoyed they were that I was always in a happy mood, they also expressed how they thought I wouldn’t make it very far in the programme we were training in.
“She’s not even that pretty,” one added. It seems silly now, but that really hurt me because of insecurities I had then about the way I looked.
That incident was a beginning of a five-year old grudge (yes, that long, I’m being honest with you). I was too immature then to confront them about what I had heard and because of that, our relationship suffered, deteriorated and decayed. Our conversations grew short and cold. And every time I saw them, my heart broke all over again. It was worse when I saw them together.
Back then, we would get schedules every month that determined who we would be working with on each production. When I saw their names alongside mine on the schedule, I would be so unhappy. This continued until I couldn’t let their existence affect my joy anymore. One evening at home, I broke down. My heart couldn’t handle all the toxic emotions I was feeding it anymore, I sobbed. I cried about how that incident made me feel. I cried about the friendships that were broken. I cried about the time wasted. And when I was done, I prayed for forgiveness and decided to let it all go. That night, a weight was lifted. That night, I began to live again. The sun rose again. I could breathe again.
As women, we have to let go of every memory that hurt us and choose to discard every image that reduces or belittles us. Sometimes we hold on to painful memories so much that they are all we see. Like hugging a cactus, the only person who gets hurt is us. We allow the pain to cloud our judgement so much that we aren’t objective to the good parts of life. We get so caught up in the wrong someone did that we are blind to any good they have contributed into our lives. It’s time to let go, time for us to make decisions that won’t cripple us, instead empower us… It is healing time.
Every few months, we have to stop being so busy and do a spring cleaning within. We have to be radical about the condition of our hearts. We cannot waste space in our hearts harboring primary issues, high school scars, a painful (or broken) past. If we are going to make our mark in the world, we have to let the past pass.
We can no longer make excuses for our failure to forgive- we have to realize that it doesn’t matter what was suffered, we have it in us to survive! And true greatness, true power and true freedom from any stronghold, any pain and any past lies in forgiveness.
Ladies, a new day is dawning, and we need to see it for what it is: a new beginning, not a continuation of our yesterdays. Yes, we hurt, we cry, but we must see past the pain.
This new day, is an opportunity to take a step towards all we can be, in so doing, we automatically reject all that lies behind.
The onus is on us to cancel every voice that ever told us that we’re ugly, fat or unwanted. We have to open our eyes to the magic of this moment… We are more powerful than we think.
Dear woman, what happened to you was not powerful enough to stop God’s plan for your life. But when you hold on to that pain, you allow it to define you, cripple you, steal from you. You were powerful before that happened to you and you are more so now.
Be bold enough to walk away from mediocre and love yourself enough to let go of all that is toxic. Let forgiveness give you wings to fly…high!
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