My Blog

Identity Crisis

August 9, 2013


This August, I had a pleasure of volunteering my time in a workshop where I had an opportunity to listen to women from all walks of life sharing their daily struggles at work, at home and and in life. These ladies spoke so powerfully that I cried with them when they shared about the torture of living with a man who disrespects them; I laughed when they spoke about our crazy obsession with shoes; I smiled when they spoke about the powerful role of a woman in the world; I was moved when they spoke about some of the mountains they have overcome; and I could relate when they mentioned that we were put on this earth for greater purpose than ourselves…
I walked away with a wealth of knowledge; but at this stage of my life, the lesson of the day was that I should never find my identity in my work title, my relationship status or my bank balance because all these things can change. When you find your identity in something that can change or can be taken away, you’ll go through life insecure and unhappy.

As women, we need to be protective of our identity, our individuality, our uniqueness. It is easy to lose who we are in our relationships, in friendships, in our careers, even in parenthood because we devote so much of ourselves in these relationships. We need to learn how to balance ourselves. It is possible for us to be a “we” in any relationship without us ever losing the essence of who we are as individuals.
In life and in love, we owe each other the freedom to be celebrated for who we are, not conforming to who we are expected or told to be. It is critical that we understand who we are so that if what we do changes or if a relationship fails, we don’t fall apart. People who attach their identity on relationships live in fear of losing what they have- what a painful way to live. We are many things to many people, but we are ourselves first. Don’t lose who you are- protect what makes you you!

So my lady, do your job well, but learn to be a person of value outside the work you do. Not everyone has to know that you are big boss at work, your purpose in this life far outweighs your job title.
The same goes for your relationship status, surely your purpose in life is greater than you being Mrs Somebody. As much as marriage is a blessing, I believe that there is a path that even our significant other cannot walk with us because there’s a purpose for an individual’s life that needs their attention. There are dreams that are just yours.
Don’t be so desperate to be loved that you are willing to give up who you are, that cost is too high to pay.

As ladies, we need to be careful not to drown our identity in our relationships and careers. Beyond your career, beyond your relationship, beyond your own life, who are you?

Love Always,
Nono Cele
Twitter: @Nono_Cele

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