It’s embarrassing to admit now but there was a guy in my life that I convinced myself that I couldn’t live without. There was a certain charm about him, a quiet confidence that I admired so much that I wanted that in my life desperately. After many broken promises, I soon realized that this quiet confidence I so desired in him, was in me too, I had just failed to see it. Needless to say, we went our separate ways, but I lived, I didn’t fall apart at all.
Through that experience, I learnt that sometimes our greatest fear coming true could be just what we need to grow and become better versions of ourselves.
As long as we don’t confront them, our fears blind us to our abilities. Our fears make us feel powerless, and in so doing, we doubt our ability to survive no matter what life throws at us. Only conquering the fear can liberate us!
When I made a decision to live without the person I thought I couldn’t imagine my life without, I found that I am stronger, smarter and definitely more powerful than I think.
This belief that there are things and people we can’t live without is not only hurting our ability to see ourselves clearly but it also makes us feel small and insecure. Our ability to live is not dependent on anyone or anything, other than the Creator Himself.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we don’t need others, I am saying, while the people in our lives can bring us great joy, we have an identity outside of those relationships. If today, we lose people we love, we will go on, because we are so much more than just daughters, sons, brothers, sisters, friends. We are powerful beyond measure (as Marriane Williamson so eloquently put it).
Life didn’t stop just because a relationship I was in fell apart- beyond that, I am still Nono Cele, I still have a bright future ahead of me, I am still alive!
This truth not only set me free, it also taught me what love is and what love is not. Love is not selfish, love is not insecure, love is not desperate. Love says, I want what’s best for you even if the best is not me.
Believing that there are things and people we can’t live without prevents us from loving unconditionally, and perpetuates a love born out of fear and desperation. Believing that our happiness depends on set of circumstances only creates insecurity and jealousy within us. Believing that a person can determine our joy only takes away our own power and forces us to make gods out of mere mortal.
I believe, we were born to be comfortable and secure in who we are. There is nothing empowering or enlightening about us making ourselves feel like we are dependent on others for life. We were born to fly, not crawl through life.
Best believe, nothing life throws at you can be the end of you. You can survive and excel through anything! There is nothing and no one that you need so desperately that you can’t live without.